In Christ Alone

Hi guys. My name is Ryan.  Most of my friends call me Boose, in reference to my last name, Bussiere. That is pronounced like moose, not an alchoholic slang term. I’m 21 years old and beardless, but trying.

I will now attempt to sum up 21 years in one blog. Before you read on, pray for me because i attempt a difficult task.

Thanks for the prayer, and now… my life.

I was born August 29, 1989 in Newmarket, Ontario, Canada. 7 years and 2 days later, my sister, my parents and myself immigrated to the great nation of Texas. This is where I grew up. I was raised Catholic and was pretty God-conscious from a young age. I remember even at age five lying in bed struggling to understand whether or not the universe had an end and how either could be true. I know that is not a God question, but I think its pretty deep for a five year old. And then at age 9 being very diligent in my questioning to find out what was sin and what was not. I was raised Catholic and quickly became very proud of that. I reveled in the fact that the Catholic church was the oldest of the Christian denominations. I began to pray every night some time between 3rd and 5th grade. It was the same prayer every night with small adjustments. “Now I lay me down to sleep….” … that one. At the end I would tag on requests and pray for my loved ones to be blessed. This was the extent of my relationship with God. I also habitually would often pray in my head, “I love you God. Forgive me God”, after cussing or when I was aware of sin. I memorized one bible verse that I would repeat when I was afraid, and it helped. It was “Shout joyfully to the Lord all you lands”. I did not even understand what it was saying, but my sister had come back from Edge Camp (a summer camp of The Woodlands United Methodist Church) and told me to just say a bible verse when I was afraid. This was providential. I did not know that many years later this camp would play a big role in the transformation of my life.

For the next 6 years or so I went on with life as normal. I became consumed with lust and a big fan of pornography. This was the first sin I dove headfirst into (aware that it was sin). The great idolatry of my life was the desire for a girl friend. It was truly my greatest desire. I would obsess over girls in my mind all day and my grades suffered.

The summer after my freshman year of high school my parents decided to separate and begin the long painful process of divorcing one another. In the following month 3 of 5 best friends moved away, my sister moved out, and my Mom moved out. All that was left was me and my Dad who was very depressed. I won’t go into details here, but in the following year I too grew very depressed. Up until this point I had thought myself a righteous man and there was only one thing I wanted. But I still had no one to love and to love me, a girlfriend that is. I looked at the guys at my school who had waht I wanted. They made the baseball team (I did not). They had gorgeous girlfriends. Their parents were still together. They smoked weed. They drank alcohol. They had sex with girls.

I looked to God with anger. Why wasn’t he answering my prayers. Why do nice guys finish last? Why was I suffering? “Certainly good things are supposed to happen to good people,” I thought. If you are familiar with the Bible maybe you notice that I was not. I decided that if God would not give me what I wanted then I was done playing by his rules (for the most part). I still had some level of fear of God, but for the most part I was going to do what I wanted. So I started partying, and drinking, and smoking, and hooking up with girls. I was unfulfilled. I even contemplated suicide. The more I think about it I do not think I ever wanted to die, but I wanted to be seriously injured, that people would see the pain outside that I was feeling on the inside. Yes it was for attention. I needed love.

I got it…but we’ll get to that.

Not long after my Catholic confirmation, I began attending a Wednesday night youth worship service at The Woodlands United Methodist Church (from now on called TWUMC) called Shift. It was different, but I liked it. I also liked that the room was filled with beautiful girls. So I kept coming and after a while I found myself more involved than many of the students who called TWUMC their home church. A man named Brian McCormack was the high school pastor and preacher. Zach Hendricks led worship. I remember being continually convicted by the sermons, and led to pray at the end of each service for 10-15 minutes after we were dismissed. I had never heard of knowing Jesus intimately. Slowly week by week, Brian McCormack introduced me to our Savior. I thank God for this man.

I remember the night I first understood and believed the gospel. I was leaving Shift and as I stopped at a stop sign, I thought of all of my sins just in those past few years. Then I realized that Jesus was not only God, but a real man who willingly died excruciating death for MY SINS, that I could be with him again I began to weep tears of joy at this stop sign and to thank Jesus out loud. And I think it was on purpose that it happened at a stop sign. I think it was him telling me not to look for anything beyond this, but only to revel in this grace. Not to search for greater truths but to know this one truth more deeply.

This was my Senior year and I was in a small group Bible study with my friends, led by Brian. Brian became a mentor to me. As the year went on I began to read my Bible a little bit and tried to get friends to come to shift. Then just before summer a girl I knew came back from college and I started going over to her house every night and we can just say made poor choices. Not sex, but definitely sin. This became a secret life for me. I had not yet given God everything. What is worse is that this girl had expressed interest in going to church again and I never once invited her. I did not want to mix my secret sin with my Christian life.

In 2008 I graduated and went on Mission Seattle. I did not talk to this girl the week leading up who I was growing quite close to. The trip itself was incredible and changed my outlook on the homeless completely. At this point I had considered going into ministry and maybe being a worship leader like Zach. I did not really think I could ever preach. On the trip I heard of an internship in Seattle. I loved Seattle and had no plan for the next year. I decided I would do this internship.

When we got back I decided to stop hanging out with the girl. I wanted to do this thing right. It wasn’t dramatic, it just kind of ended. We were never really dating. I had a really fun summer, but a tempting one. All of my buddies were starting to drink again, but I survived.

Then came EDGE CAMP 08. The preacher was Matt Carter. God tore me to pieces in the best way possible. I remember it was the first time I lifted my hands in worship and for me this was a big deal. Every night I was overwhelmed with the presence and greatness of God. That is, except the 3rd night. The third night I did not feel in my heart like worshiping. Zach had once read the scripture to us in which God rebuked Israel for hypocracy and for having big worship celebrations, but not loving God. I did not want to sing just to sing. I wanted to truly give God worship. So I sat down and prayed and as I prayed I asked myself if I would still be a Christian if my Dad died. I could think of no one I loved more (equal to, but not more). I realized that in loving God more than family I could love my family more and better. I realized that if anything being taken from me could cause me to turn away from God, then I was an idolater (although I would not have used this language at the time). So I sought out the senior high intern, Tom Gwaltney, an incredible man of God. I told him my situation and we prayed together. We prayed that our love for God would grow deeper and for opportunitiesto chose God.

After Edge I arrived home to see my Dad. He asked me if I got closer to God, and I said yes! He then said that the opposite happened for him. It was in that moment that I knew that no matter what was to happen, God would always be first in my heart and I prayed their with my Dad. I love my Dad. He has taught me much about loving strangers even when I feel little love. I would never ask for another Dad (aside from my other Dad… God).

The following Sunday Brian set down the mic and gave us time to share our Edge Camp experiences. I felt that I was supposed to speak, but I sat tight where I was. When share time ended I knew I was still going to spent the next ten or fifteen minutes of Brian’s mini-sermon mentally preparing. Providentially he ended early and I raised my had and asked to share. As I spoke the nerves left me. It was the first time in my life in which I felt this way while publically speaking. IT was because I had something to say and the Holy Spirit was with me.

The following weeks I began having realizations just about every week about God and questions I had but wasn’t even asking. Most of my conclusions were biblical and I was not even reading the Bible. This was God at work. I began writing facebook notes and this blog was born.

The last week of summer Brian let me preach. For the second time, the nerves left. And God moved. It was no revival, but it did affect a few people, an dI was just hoping for one. As I drove home I had more joy than ever. The idea that I could speak and it would cause people to come closer to the Lord was a humbling and beautiful idea. I knew then that I was going to be a preacher.

I ended up moving to Seattle for a year to do an internship under a pastor that Brian had roomed with in College. It was an amazing and shaping year for sure. I learned a lot of discipline that year and tons about leadership. However, I left quite prideful. The internship was amazing. This was my sin.

I came back as a Junior High summer intern and then served in the senior high the next year. In the summer I the boys Senior High Intern. The past year and a half have been incredibly shaping and humbling. I have fallen deeply in love with the God’s word. His promises to me of an eternity with him are my great joy. I live for this and would die that others would know him.

How great is the Lord already, but even more to have mercy on a sinner like me. That he would call me a son. That he would put his son to death for my sins and that his son would obey and give himself a ransom for me. I am loved beyond measure. What can I now do but love immeasurably? It is the only rational response. I did not deserve it, so I will give love freely.

Thanks for reading. I love you all.

In Christ Alone.