There is a quite popular notion going around that love is at its deepest root a choice. I have held this notion at times and though I agree that choices are involved in love, I disagree that this is where it starts. Can the word “love” be used as a verb? Of course. I would never deny that. In fact the bible seems to show that biblical love without action is no love at all. However, does love ever start with a choice? This I cannot find anywhere in scripture. (I am not going to go into the multiple greek words used for love, but I encourage you google them… This post is primarily referring to “agape” love, the deepest of loves)
But first, why is this important? The bible says much about love. In fact the two greatest commandments are commandments to love. We are to love God and to love people. Well, if we are to obey it is important we understand what we have been commanded to do.
If love is not fundamentally a verb than what is it? It seems biblically and philosophically to be rooted in affection.
Those who disagree would argue that God could never make someone love him. This would not be love. Love that is caused by the beloved is not real in their eyes. In order for there to be love, there must be free will. Here, free will means the ability of the will to determine itself and choose good or evil.
I would agree that for there to be love there must be free will, but not in the way previously meant. The bible does show that we have free choices, but it also shows that we have enslaved wills. We are free to choose what we will, but no one chooses contrary to his or her will.
Our will is the desire of our heart, and we, as humans, cannot act against our own wills. The moment we choose to do something, we have willed in our heart that it would be done. This does not mean people do not do things they don’t enjoy. Certainly people act in ways they wish they did not have to, but only because of circumstance and a greater will. That is, we might not desire to do our homework, but we desire to graduate (greater will), and so we endure what we do not enjoy for the sake of future pleasure. So in the end all that that one does, one does willingly. Any experience that was not willed, was not done by the self, but instead is done by another to the recipient or victim.
So in this sense, yes, love is rooted in the will (you could also say the heart or the affections). Love certainly acts lovingly and makes loving choices, but it does so because one loves. That is, it does so as an arrow aimed at the target of one’s affections. All would affirm that God judges the heart. Why not the works? Because you can do good things for the wrong reasons.
Jesus affirms this in chapter 7 of the Gospel according to Matthew with a frightening warning. He says “On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.”
So clearly you can do great things in Jesus name and not be saved. But Romans 8:28 tells us, “All things work together for good to those who love God”. The word know in the bible is important. Often times it is used to denote a great intimacy. Jesus is God and is all knowing so we know he does not mean he does not know they exist. It seems that these who Jesus never “knew” are those who he is not intimately involved with. These perhaps are people who have never experienced and participated in God’s love. That is they have no affections for him nor do they feel his affections.
To be clear, when I say love is rooted in the “affections” I mean not an overwhelming desire to receive from someone. Instead I mean “affections” as delight in someone else’s greatest good. The bible speaks of love in this way. We are told to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 23:39). To love someone is to consider another as an extension of you, so to speak, and thus delight when good is done to him or her. This also includes a sense of shared burden; when they hurt, you hurt. Love, therefore, leads to loving action. When someone you love is in despair, your love leads you to pray for them, encourage them, and to provide for them any care you can (this is not an extensive list, just examples).
My last point before addressing common objections: 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
“If I speak in the tonguesa of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b but have not love, I gain nothing.”
Here we see what appear to be very Christ-like actions and yet separate from love. We see people can make good choices (good in the sense that the action brings about positive external effects) but still be deemed wicked on account of their motives.
Some objections addressed
Objection 1: Jesus calls us to love our enemies. How shall we do this if love is rooted in affection?
That is a great question and the answer is to go to the source. The source of love is God who is love. That is God is love and has always been love. He is the center of all love and there is no true love that does not involve God. If God is not involved, your love is a counterfeit.
Love of others is rooted in a love of Jesus.
We were sinners when Christ died for us (humanity). On an individual level it is true that all of our sins were future sins at the cross. God was not surprised that you would sin even after he died for you. And yet his love for us seeks not to receive our worship in the sense that he needs us to satisfy himself. His love for us leads us to worship him because to worship him is to be satisfied in him. God is the only being in existence, for whom loving others means to desire others to find security and satisfaction in his love. Why? Because only he can satisfy us.
God was both perfect and love before he created humanity. He did not make us out of loneliness. He made us in his perfect love for himself. Man is the image and glory of God (1 Cor. 11:7) in that we are the expression and display of his love. He made us in enjoyment of himself. More like art than anything else. As a musician composes a song simply because he loves to make use of his musical gift, so God enjoys his own abilities through creating us, ruling us, and displaying his greatness to us so that we can join him in his absolute satisfaction in his own beauty, worth, and presence.
Thus, satisfaction is found in loving God, and receiving God’s enabling love. If we are then satisfied in this great love and mercy, it is quite easy to love our enemies. For they are our enemies in that they oppose us, but we do not oppose them. We may oppose their message but only because we desire God’s glory and their joy. We can forgive quite easily when our joy is God’s presence purchased by Christ. Joy by nature seeks to share itself. Thus, what greater joy is there than to share the gospel with someone? And what better way is there to share the message of God’s grace than by doing good to those who seek to harm you? When you forgive you display that your hope is not on earth, but in Christ. You display that one can be truly satisfied. This is why there is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends. To die for someone is to display a love that is satisfied in Christ and seeking to lead others into such life. You display that you’re not afraid of death, for death died in Christ, and eternal life is your in Christ.
So forgiving others when the bible says to forgive others as God has forgiven you, this is not an attempt to guilt you into holiness. There is no such thing as being guilty and holy. Sure those who don’t forgive are guilty of that sin, and thus we should remember the gospel, receive it with joy, and share that joy with other guilty people through forgiving them, and telling them the message that enabled us to do so.
If our greatest joy is in God then we will desire him glorified completely and therefore desire to complete the Great Commission. We will desire Christ’s return and be motivated to love even our enemies in order to get to that day. In Christ we are made one with our fellow man, because acting for their greatest benefit is our greatest benefit. This is not selfish, it is beautiful.
Objection 2: How then can one love Christ if not by choice?
In John 8:34 Jesus says, “Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who sins a slave to sin”. If we are slaves we must be set free by the grace of God. We must be “born again”. Jesus seems to say everything very purposefully. Whoever decided to be born? Why should we think our second birth should occur differently in this sense? As it is the parents’ love that brings forth a child, it is because of his love that God chooses to save us (John 3:16).
People have children together because they love each other, but to not have children does not mean they do not love one another. God does not become unloving by not making me his child. He is loving as he always has been even if that love does not include me. He is not bound by any law to save me because I am guilty of sin. And yet he does. And in his affection for himself, he chooses (choice rooted in affection) to include me in that love. In fact, he delights in doing good to me and in so doing delights in himself.
This God centered love should not disappoint us. We should be grateful, for it is the source of all life. All this to say, “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Is it not loving for God to change my hard heart and free me from my slavery to sin so that I can have eternal life and joy in him? Am I a puppet? No, puppets do not feel. I am more like a drowning felon, fighting my savior, who gets punched unconscious so he can swim me to safety. What makes it more crazy is my savior was the judge in the highest court of the land and he pulled me out of the water to forgive me my crimes. Heck, if we want to carry this metaphor further, he took my punishment.
These affections are real, but it was the Spirit’s work in me that brought me to church, convicted me of my sins, led someone to preach the gospel to me, and freed me through faith. I am grateful for such a divine intervention.
It is obvious that no one ever chose to feel a certain way. One might use reason to arrive at a conclusion that draws out emotion, but no one decides how he or she is going to feel given a various circumstance. One can only seek to see things from a light that would elicit a more positive emotion.
So in order to love God, of whom we are guilty of disobeying, we must see and believe the gospel is true, good, and applies to us. And in order to believe, God must do a work in our darkened and hardened hearts, opening our eyes to our own sin that we would hate it more than we hate his justice that condemns us, and only then will we receive the gospel of redemption as glorious news. God opens the eyes of our hearts to see that him as Isaiah did, as glorious, and so that we know we have no right to stand in his presence. Then just as the seraphim came and cleansed Isaiah, God shall speak through a messenger delivering his gospel and bringing us into eternal life and joy. If this is not love then I do not know what is.
The Truth Is Better
This truth is glorious! I do not have to force myself into loving people. I can simply meditate on the truth and love will well up in me for others, even my enemies. I can be set free from this idea of love that seeks its own. I need not receive love from my brothers in order to keep on loving them because that is not love. I can actually enjoy doing good to people. It is not a burdensome task, but a joyful opportunity. Their good is my good! In Christ we are one, so let us labor to bring everyone we can into the kingdom for the glory of Christ who is the source of love and joy! An enemy becomes a beautiful opportunity to display Christ to the world as we walk in love toward them and perhaps even die for them.
Obejection 3: If love is rooted in the affections how can God command us to feel a certain way?
It does seem a hopeless cause doesn’t it? Here is what we know. We were guilty of sin before God gave the law. Adam and Eve were not given the Ten Commandments in the Garden of Eden and they were punished. The people in Noah’s day did not have the Ten Commandments and yet God poured out his wrath on them. Wickedness was wickedness before we were given the law. Why? Because wickedness is rooted in opposition to the very heart of God, which esteems himself most glorious and is the source of all life. You do not have to read very much of the bible to see that wickedness is a heart issue. We are guilty of disobedience but we are also guilty of being evil. Evil is defined as a heart in opposition to God who is good. The law was given to reveal our need for a savior.
Indeed, it was hopeless. God revealed through the Ten Commandments that we were hopeless apart from divine intervention. So if this is you, if you desire to be right with God, but feel no love for him or for others, I would encourage you not to try and obey his commandments by choice. No one is justified to God through the law. Instead look to Christ. Yes you are guilty of sin, but he died for your sins, not to make you feel guiltier. No, in fact he gave his life to give you life and rose and conquered death. Trust in his sacrifice. Trust that he is pure enough to atone for your sins! Trust that if the one who you offended has cleaned your slate then you need not condemn yourself! Salvation is here. Trust/follow Christ, and rest in his unwavering love! His sacrifice is enough to cover all your sins past, present, and future! “Everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved” (Romans 10:13). Don’t try to love in order to earn God’s favor. Come to Christ who loved you while you were a sinner, receive love, and you shall love. Christ is favor. Rest in him.
In conclusion, love is rooted in the affections or heart and will, therefore, always sprout forth from the affections. A tree is known by its fruit (Luke 6:44). Those who love may fail in doing good to others because we are not perfect in knowledge about what is best in every situation, but if we fail we will do so with good intentions, seeking to benefit our beloved. Jesus is clearly the source of love (unwavering glorious love), but he works from our heart outward.
